Title: The Price of Failure
Author: Darkestangel
Summary: Jack recalls one of his darkest
moments in Special Ops before joining the Stargate Program
Comments: darkestangel@darknessprevail.com
Website: www.darknessprevails.com
Archive: yes, with permission
Pairing: Jack/other
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: They’re not mine. I am only
borrowing them from the brilliant creators of the movie/show,
An Iraqi POW camp, 1991
I had been sent,
along with Charlie Kawalsky and three other Ops members; including Major
Cromwell, to monitor the
We had arrived at the designated
It was suppose to be a simple
mission with a quick objective, but the ambush that awaited my team was
anything but simple…
When I awoke, I found my self
hog-tied to a pole inside a tent. I could tell by the heat in the tent that it
was at least 120 degrees outside. It had to be mid-afternoon in the desert, and
my mouth was suddenly parched for water. I tested my ropes only making them
tighter with my struggles. I clenched my teeth in pain as I felt the ropes cut
into my bound wrists. That was definitely not the way out of my predicament.
I wasn’t sure if this was a Saudi or
Iraqi camp, but I hoped for my team’s sake that it was a Saudi encampment. I
looked around for signs of my team, and I sighed in relief when I saw Hunter
and Mercer in the far corner of the tent tied to their own perspective poles,
but I saw no signs of Charlie Kawalsky or Major Cromwell. Charlie and I had
known each other since Beirut, and I knew that he was capable of taking care of
himself, but I couldn’t help the clench of despair creeping into my stomach.
The hours crawled by slowly; each
passing one making us thirstier and more agitated. I knew that it was all a
head game to make us wait. It is a common practice for captors to make their
victims wait in anticipation. It was a practice used often by the NVA in
I managed to sleep despite the
sounds of heavy armory being moved outside. We were definitely not at the
designated
It had been nearly 48 hours since we
had been allowed to eat, drink, stand, or take care of bodily functions. Both
Hunter and Mercer had looked on in mortification when they could no longer hold
their bladders. I tried to reassure them that it was okay that they had soiled
their uniforms.
“Boys, it’s okay. Uncle Sam will get
you a new uniform when we get back to base. I told you two not to drink that 44
oz. Big Guzzle before we left.” They both smiled at my attempt to lessen the
humiliation. I wasn’t sure how I had managed to hold in my own fluids. I felt
like I was going to bust a gut at any moment.
“Look guys, when they finally come
in here I want you to stay quiet. Don’t give them any information except name,
rank, and serial number. We have been trained to take pain, and we will not tell
them anything under any circumstances. I don’t care if they threaten to kill us
or torture us. We will not break. Is that understood?”
In unison they responded, “Yes sir!”
“I won’t sugarcoat this for you.
We’ve been gone for 48 hours, and we all know what that means. As far as the
Air Force is concerned, we’re already dead. They can’t come in here and rescue
a team that supposedly doesn’t exist. The only way we’re getting out of here is
if Kawalsky is out there somewhere with a plan, or we manage to cut ourselves
free, and walk out of here on our on two feet.”
“We understand Sir.”
Their understanding didn’t make the
truth any easier. It was a part of being in Special Ops. You didn’t exist, your
mission didn’t exist, and so your death didn’t exist. I wasn’t so sure that
Sara and Charlie would agree with that assessment, but I had no choice to
accept the truth.
I had managed to sleep for a few
more hours, but I was awoken by the sound of water hitting the side of the tent
or some other type of soft material. When I looked over at Hunter and Mercer, I
saw three Iraqi soldiers pissing on them. They couldn’t move or protect their
faces. All they could do was close their eyes and their mouths hoping to avoid
urine drink.
“Cut it out!” I demanded.
They ignored me laughing as they
took turns covering my men with their warm piss.
It was difficult to speak with my
dry mouth, but I managed to blurt out, “Stop it you fucking pricks!”
That got their attention. They
turned towards me, “Their uniforms were already soiled American. What is it
hurting?”
“Their dignity?”
The tallest of the soldiers walked
closer to me smiling cruelly, “Dignity? There is no such thing as dignity in
this camp. If you survive this place and you return home to your colored
television and fast cars; you will never find your dignity again, because it
will be here with me forever.”
I chose to ignore the threat, and
instead focused my attention on Hunter and Mercer who were shaking in humiliation
from their baths. They were both First Lieutenants who were not yet thirty.
They had been on my team for three years, and I cared greatly for them, but I
somehow I knew that they would never leave this place. They weren’t strong
enough or experienced enough. I had just turned forty, and I wasn’t even sure
if I was strong enough to survive this place.
“Let’s begin shall we? My name is
Abdul. What is yours?”
I ignored him and instead closed my
eyes. My head was hurting me and my back and knees were cramping from the
uncomfortable position.
“You have no dog tags around your
neck, so obviously you are SOG.”
“SOG, what’s that?”
He smiled at me in apparent
amusement, “You are going to be fun aren’t you? You’re obviously the commanding
officer of your team, and if I have to I will use your younger teammates to
make you talk.” One of the other soldiers grabbed Hunter’s face and held a
knife to it. I knew that he would cut his face or maybe even slash his throat
if I didn’t tell him my name.
“Fine, I’ll tell you the standard
line.”
“Standard line,” Abdul asked.
“You know; name, rank, serial
number.”
“Ah, I see. You may begin there, but
you will tell me so much more that that I’m afraid.”
One look into his eyes and at his
soldiers told me that Abdul meant business. This was not going to be pretty,
“I’m Major Jack O’Neill
“Yes, that might be quite helpful to
me Jack.”
“That’s Major O’Neill to you, and my
number is AF651425.”
“Thank you for that information
Jack. You may release the boy for the moment.” The other soldier released
Hunter’s head and stepped back away from him.
Abdul continued to stare at me as if
I was his prey, “Now that wasn’t so hard was it Jack? I think you should be
rewarded for your cooperation. Would you like some water?”
“Yes, please.”
One of the other soldiers brought me
over a ladle of warm water from a bucket in the corner. The water had been in the
tent the entire time waiting for us to gain access. It wasn’t the best I had
ever drank, but I wasn’t about to complain. I got just enough to coat my throat
with moisture, and I desperately tried to lick my lips. They were chapped and
burning, and they were on the verge of cracking.
“You wouldn’t happen to have some Blistex would you?” He looked at me in confusion,
“Something for my lips. They’re very dry.”
“I have some Vaseline. What would
you be willing to do for it?”
“Be quiet and remain tied to this
pole?”
“Why don’t you tell me about your
mission instead?”
“What mission? We were on our way to
“I’m glad you find this so amusing
Jack. I wonder if he does,” he asked pointing at Mercer who was kicked hard in
the face by one of Abdul’s henchmen.
I refused to look Mercer in the eyes
because I knew that it would make it extremely difficult not to break if I felt
sorry for him. Instead, I focused on Abdul’s boots, which were polished clean
despite the sand.
“I’m going to ask you once more
Jack. What is your mission?”
“You know I can’t tell you that so
why bother asking?”
“Because it will be fun to break
you, and besides, I’m really bored. You Americans came right in and saved the
day as usual, and my men have been stuck out here waiting to be called into a
battle that will never need us. I promised myself that if I captured one of you
I would have some fun.”
“I’m not the playing type.”
“You SOG men take yourselves too
seriously. Why live if you can’t have fun?” He walked over towards Mercer who
was still recovering from the boot in his face, “Why don’t I show you what I
like to do for fun Jack?” He grabbed Mercer’s neck, yanked it backwards, and
slit it with one quick slash with a knife he yanked out of his own boot.
“No!” I screamed in agony as Mercer
began bleeding to death in front of me. “Why the hell did you do that?”
“What is your mission Jack? Perhaps,
your other friend would like to have some fun as well?”
I looked at Mercer who had gone pale
and who was breathing in his last breaths. The blood had spilt onto the sand
and was being quickly absorbed, but some of it had found its way to Hunter’s
leg. He was shaking in fear at being next. I knew that Hunter was married with
a baby on the way, but I couldn’t tell Abdul the mission. I had been trained to
take pain and humiliation, but nothing could prepare me for causing my team
member’s deaths.
“I can’t tell you that.”
“Well, that’s a shame my friend,” he
remarked as he promptly stabbed Hunter in the heart. I closed my eyes in guilt
trying to block at his moans of pain and struggles to breathe. I thought of his
young wife who was now a widow, and I thought of my own family as it became
obvious that I wouldn’t make it home either. The bastard was homicidal, and he
was getting off on killing us.
“Open your eyes O’Neill. I want you
to see them dying.”
I closed my eyes tighter ignoring
his request. He grabbed the back of my hair roughly, “Open them now or I will
cut them out!”
I immediately opened my eyes knowing
that he would do what he had threatened. I watched as both Mercer and Hunter
died because of me. The guilt was almost enough to cause me to break, but if I
told him the information now, their deaths would have been for nothing.
“Are you happy with yourself Jack?”
“Not particularly, but I did what I
was trained to do.”
“What’s that? Kill your own men?”
“To not tell assholes shit about my
missions!”
He laughed maliciously at me, “Oh
Jack, this was not me trying to get information from you. This was me getting
rid of trash. Trust me, when I really want the information from you, I will be
much more creative. Now, why don’t you help me dispose of the trash? It will
start stinking in this heat, and the flies will be unbearable.”
“Fuck you.”
“Perhaps you want me to leave their
rotting corpses in your tent? Do you really want to look at them everyday until
they decay into ashes? Do you really want the flies crawling on you that once
crawled on their putrid flesh?”
He was good. I had to admit it,
“Fine, untie me and I will help.”
When the ropes were cut, I was too
cramped to move. It hurt to move my joints that had been tied up for more than
two days. I tried to rub my legs and my arms to get circulation back into them,
but my feet still felt like needles were being stuck into them. I moaned in
discomfort when Abdul pulled me up onto my feet. He supported me as I adjusted
to standing once again. I almost fell right back down, but he pulled me back up
to my feet.
“I realize that you can hardly move
Jack, but if you try to escape, I will castrate you. Do you understand?”
Once again I feared that he would
fulfill his threat, “Yes.”
He led me over to the bodies and
directed me to help him with Hunter, while the others grabbed Mercer. I
struggled to carry Hunter’s legs; exhaustion, hunger, thirst,
and guilt threatened to topple me over. Abdul stopped frequently allowing me to
adjust to the weight; for that I was most grateful. Perhaps, he wasn’t a total
monster.
It was nightfall outside, and I saw
small fires burning for cooking and possible warmth. I knew immediately that we
were no where near the Saudi border. The fires would not be allowed so close to
American patrols. We must have been further in
As we headed to a much larger
bonfire, I realized Abdul’s intentions. He made me toss Hunter into one of the
larger fires, and I felt tears in my eyes as I watched both Hunter and Mercer
lifeless bodies being charred. This was not the right way to bury friends, but
I was forced to watch as their skin turned black and began peeling off.
“That didn’t take long,” one of the
other soldiers motioned over towards me. I saw Abdul smile when he too noticed
the tears in my eyes. I had a feeling that they wouldn’t be the last tears
they’d see…
Mercifully, I was allowed to sleep
the remainder of the night, but I couldn’t get the image of their bodies
burning out of my mind. I could still smell the flesh as it burnt and turned
the smoke chalky gray. The guilt alone would have been enough to drive some men
insane, but I managed to hold on despite the blame and remorse I felt.
The following morning, I was given
more water and a some sort of soup that looked like something I might have
thrown up on one of those wild Air Force Academy parties I frequented when I
was younger. Again, I didn’t complain about the soup or warm water. I needed
all the nourishment I could get. I still couldn’t figure out why I was alive?
It’s not like we were going to lose this war to
It was later that afternoon that I
learned Abdul’s true intentions…
He walked in to the tent alone
carrying my back pack of supplies. I was now tied to the pole only by my hands.
My legs were straight out and tied at the ankle. They had left enough length in
the rope at my hands, so that I could lay down flat on the ground if I chose. I
was now also seated on a large colorful blanket that kept the sand away from
me. I thought that the whole setup was a little too comfortable for a prisoner
who was getting ready to be interrogated.
He bent over and gave me a few sips
of some sort of fruity drink, “Hello Jack, how did you sleep?”
I wanted more of the drink, but he
pulled it away, “Like shit.”
He only smiled at me and began
rummaging through my pack. I saw him place several of my items on a wooden table;
including, my toothpaste and tooth brush, my comb, my soap and razor, my
non-scented deodorant, and my Blistex.
“I tell you what Jack. Every time
you tell me something, I’ll let you have one of these precious items for today.
I know you would love to brush your teeth. It has after all been three days.”
“You know I won’t talk about my
mission.”
“Okay, how about you tell me why you
joined the Air Force?”
I looked at him suspiciously, “What
are you up to? Are you trying to get me to like you are something? It’s a
little too late for that.”
“I just want to offer you a chance
to clean up a little, and I thought it would be fun to learn about you.”
“You are so full if it Abdul.”
“Full of what Jack,” he smiled.
“Shit.”
“Actually, I used the restroom this
morning, so I’m not full of shit. Are you Jack? It has been a really long time
since you’ve had the opportunity.”
“You really get off on talking about
piss and shit don’t you?”
“I’m not here to argue with you
O’Neill. Tell me why you joined the Air Force and I will give you the
toothpaste and toothbrush.”
“I like to fly planes and jets.”
“More please.”
I rolled my eyes in frustration, “I
like to jump out of planes, and I really like the dress uniform.”
“How long have you been a Major?”
“Hey, I answered your question. You
owe me my toothpaste.”
“I suppose I do,” he answered
dragging the pale of water over to me. He wet the brush in the water, squeezed
some paste on the brush, and straddled my legs. When he put the brush up to my
teeth, I closed my mouth. “Open up Jack. This is the only time I will make this
offer. You’re teeth can rot out for all I care.”
I begrudgingly opened my mouth and
allowed the bastard to brush my teeth. He was smiling the entire time as he
brushed up and down and side to side. He periodically had me spit out days of
plague and sand from my mouth.
When he finished brushing and
rinsing me, he bent down to smell my breath, “Much better,” I recoiled as he
pressed his dry lips to mine without approval. It was a simple quick kiss, but
it caused a knot of dread to form in my stomach. “Now, what shall you get next?
I think you really could use the soap and razor. Jack, you really do stink.”
“That’s not exactly my fault Abdul,
and sense when do Iraqi soldiers give a shit about hygiene. I’ve yet to see you
unshaven or stinky like the others. What’s up with that? Why are you so clean?
You’re supposed to be fighting a war.”
“I’m asking the questions here
O’Neill, not you. Now, how long have you been a Major?”
“Five years.”
“Will you be a Colonel soon?”
“If I survive you I will be. I’m due
for a promotion in a year or two, but that doesn’t make me anymore valuable
than any other soldier if that’s what you think.”
“That’s not what I’m thinking Jack.
I just want to know how good you are. I’ve never had a high ranking officer in
my clutches before.”
“Clutches? You make it sound like
I’m your pet or something.”
“Soon perhaps,” he lathered the soap
up and began applying it to my face. I allowed him to shave me since he did
have a razor blade in those murderous hands. It hurt because the stubble had
grown so long, but I was relieved to be smooth-skinned again. As he was shaving
me, the water trickled down my face onto my chest. The dripping water didn’t go
unnoticed by him. He opened up my shirt and watched the water trickle down my
chest and onto my thinning stomach. I watched as he lathered more soap onto his
hands.
“Don’t bathe me Abdul.”
“Why not? I
know how you Americans like to be clean.”
“I don’t want you touching me like
that.”
“Don’t be ridiculous Jack. I’m just
trying to make you feel better,” he ignored my protests and began bathing me
anyway. He was making a mess with the rinse water, and I raised my hips in
discomfort as the water pored down onto my crotch, “Oh look what I’ve done now.
I got you all wet down there didn’t I?”
“Abdul, don’t touch my pants. Get
the fuck off of me.”
Once again he ignored me and he
lifted off of me so that he could remove my pants. I struggled as he unbuttoned
my pants and pulled them down off of my hips. He yanked me down onto my back
and he pulled my pants down to my tied ankles.
“Stop being such a baby Jack. Get still,” he looked down at my GI issued boxers
and smirked, “Looks like I got those wet as well.”
I didn’t bother protesting as he
yanked the boxers down to my ankles. I knew that this was part of his plan to
start with. He wanted to fuck me, and there wasn’t a whole lot I could do to
stop him. Not only was I tied, but he was taller and heavier than me as well. I
watched in horror as he brought the soap down to my stomach and groin area. I
heard him humming softly to himself as he rubbed me tenderly clean. For the
life of me I couldn’t figure this guy out. One minute he was killing my
friends, and the next he was being all tender to me. One thing my Ops training
taught me was to always remain weary of unpredictable people, and Abdul
definitely fit that bill.
I felt his soapy hands drift down my
hips, my legs, and back up to my arms. He bathed every inch of my body
including my feet, once he had untied them and removed the rest of my clothing.
I knew that I could kick at him, but what was the point of that? I knew I
couldn’t get my hands untied, and I was sure that there were guards outside.
Once he rinsed me, he reached to
turn me over onto my stomach, “I’m clean enough Abdul. I really appreciate you
doing this, but I’m cool really.”
Again he gave me that malicious
smile, and turned me over with minimal effort. The now twisted rope bit into my
wrists once again. I felt my circulation being cut off, but more importantly, I
felt his hot breath on my neck smelling me once again.
“You smell so much better Jack. I’m
almost finished with your bath, but first he have to make sure all parts of you
are clean,” he massaged the soap onto my sore back and I couldn’t help the moan
of pleasure that came out of my mouth. He washed my legs, my arms, and finally
my ass. I knew that was where he would play close attention. He lathered the
soap on each cheek causing the soap to seep down my crack onto my hole. I felt
his finger caressing my crack and my hole softly rubbing the soap in
thoroughly.
As disgusted as I was by his
presence, I really did like being clean again, but I didn’t want a soapy finger
inside of me, “Abdul, please don’t stick the soap inside of me. It will burn
for hours.”
He paused for a moment contemplating
my request, “If I do as you ask what shall you do for
me?”
“Not struggle.”
He understood my simple response in
complete clarity. He pulled his finger away, and I felt the warm water rinsing
me instead. It was obvious that he would take me tonight, and I so hoped he
would keep me on my stomach, so that I would not have to look at him.
He snapped his fingers and a soldier
appeared at the opening if the tent. I turned my head in shame as he leered at
my naked body. I was relived when I heard the tent close once again. I wondered
what the soldier had brought Abdul. I hoped it wasn’t a tool of pain or
torture. I was already emotionally raw from guilt. I couldn’t handle torture
too. I could handle him fucking me if he was gentle. That was why I had
volunteered not to struggle. I could handle being raped, but I didn’t want
total humiliation and pain.
“Look at me Jack.”
I did as I was told, and I saw him
undressing. I wanted to turn my head when I saw his enormous cock, but I didn’t
dare. I watched as he stroked himself to an impossibly hardness, and I
swallowed in dread of the pain to come.
“Please don’t hurt me.”
“If you’re nice, I’ll play nice. Get
on your knees for me.”
Once again I did as I was told. I
didn’t want to be ripped in two by him. I had been with a couple of men before,
but never anyone as large as him. I felt him push my legs apart with his knees,
and I felt a slick finger exploring the area around my entrance. I knew than
the soldier had brought him some sort of oil, and I was grateful once again for
his kindness.
He opened me up one finger at a
time, preparing my tight hole for his massive tool. I tried to relax and let
him in, but I was having a hard time ignoring the voices outside the tent who
were obviously hanging around hoping to hear me scream or beg.
“Relax Jack. I won’t hurt you. Open
up for me, and let me give you pleasure,” he reached around with his other hand
and grabbed my cock gently. He coaxed it to hardness just as I felt him breach
my entrance with his thick hard prick. I couldn’t hold in the moans of pain as
he impaled me with as much tenderness as possible. Once completely inside, he
grabbed hold of my hips and pumped in and out in an agonizing rhythm. He was
teasing me not giving me his all, and it took everything in me not to beg my
rapist for more.
“Does it feel good Jack? I want to please
my beautiful American.”
For someone who was supposedly
getting raped, I was really getting into his caresses and his sweet words. If
this was what being a POW meant I should have gotten myself captured earlier,
“Yes…it feels good, but could you go a little faster?”
I heard him laughing at my request,
and he indeed did pick up speed as well as hardness. He pumped in and out of my
tight hole feeling me with an intense pleasure I had never felt before. I
arched my back begging for more of his dick in me, and he grabbed my cock
stroking it masterfully. I had been claimed before by other men, but none so
well. The room seemed to be buzzing with some sort of energy, and my head was
spinning from the pleasure his dick and hand was giving me.
“Yes…that’s it, you’re fucking me so
good Abdul. Don’t stop. Take me…yes!!” I shuddered with a mind-blowing orgasm.
While I spilt my seed on his hand, he emptied his inside of me. I wanted to
collapse, but he held me up by my hips pumping the last spurts of cum into my
hole.
It was while we caught our breath
that my senses came back to me fully. I suddenly realized that the buzzing I
had felt was other people talking; not outside but inside. I looked around to
see three soldiers laughing and clapping at my expense. I shook my head trying
to clear it from the Euphoria I had felt only moments earlier. How the hell had
I not seen them or heard them earlier?
“Thank you my friends. It was a fine
performance. He is a very sweet piece of ass. Now, I finally know what Americans
are good for,” he pulled out of me quickly causing his semen to trickle down my
thigh. “Would you like some more fruity drink O’Neill?”
The soldiers laughed again, and that
was when I realized that I had been drugged. I laid there in shame clenching my
fists open and closed wishing that his neck was in my clutches. The son of a
bitch had taken me against my will, but I was too drugged to realize it. He had
made me beg for more, and that was more humiliating than anything else he could
have done.
“It’s been fun Jack, but I am
through with you. I didn’t realize that you were so, how do you Americans say
it? Sluttish? That is a complete turn off for me, so I
am afraid that I must turn you over to my three friends here. They really like
sluts.” I could have cussed him out. I could have told him off, but I knew that
was what he wanted, so I just laid there in silence as he left the tent.
Damn, he was good. He knew exactly
what he was doing with me. For the first and only time in my life, I was broken.
It was only a matter of time before I would tell him what he wanted. He allowed
those three to abuse me daily and nightly for days. He watched as they spat,
pissed, and shot their loads on me. He only stood in the corner calling me his
“little slut”. He made me beg for his mouth, for his hands, for his cock, but
yet he denied me every day. He knew that their cruelty was driving me towards
him more, and that was exactly what he wanted from the beginning.
For days they gang raped me with
their tongues, fingers, pricks, and fists. I wanted nothing more than to die,
or maybe be touched by Abdul again. I wanted the fruity drink and the illusion
he had given me that night. I would have said anything to get it back, and he
was waiting for the exact moment to strike, but he never got that chance. I was
rescued from that hellhole after 101 days of torment. Charlie Kawalsky had
managed to escape the initial ambush. He had gotten word back to base camp of
our capture, and he had looked for us for days, killing and maiming informants
when needed. Once he located the camp, he helped to organize a rescue. I later
learned that Major Cromwell had survived as well, but he had abandoned us to
death.
It is true that I didn’t tell Abdul
about my mission or our base’s location, but I know that I failed in
Still to this day, I can’t stand to
be in a shower or tub with someone I love. That was the first thing Sara
noticed when I came back from
This was
previously part of a series called “The Truth Behind
the Stargate”, but I got too busy to finish the series, so I made this a
stand-alone story instead.
Feedback is
appreciated:
darkestangel@darknessprevails.com